As a Marriage Counselor these are the top three things I work on with couples, Communication Skills, Child Rearing, and Caring for one another. I want to elaborate to help you know that you and your spouse are working at growing together than living to grow apart.
Communication... It may sound like communication should be a priority in a marriage, but a lot of the time it is set aside as a priority and assumed that if "we aren't fighting" then things must be good. However, I would challenge this thought process as lack of communication will only lead to a relationship described by some as two ships passing in the night. So when you communicate are you really listening to the other person, or are you thinking about your agenda, your defense or your response when your spouse is talking? Are you trying to understand what your spouse is saying by putting yourself in THEIR SHOES and seeing it from their perspective? Are you using "I" messages when you speak instead of "YOU" messages that only make the other person feel like they have to defend themself? Are you making time for the two of you a priority to just be together without interruption, to grow deeper emotionally on a regular basis? Child Rearing... Raising children is rewarding, but it can also be a struggle at times. Learning how to be on the same page when it comes to how to parent is important to create peace and harmony in your family. Whether your family consists of biological, step or adopted children, or a combination of the above, there are always dynamics that influence how you raise children. Understanding how to get on the same page through boundaries with love will help you both feel like you know what you are doing, and that you are not doing it alone. Caring for each other... Most people care for others the way they feel cared for or loved, and they do this without thinking if the other person feels the same. Understanding that love begins by being selfless in how you give love is important. Knowing that God is love and His love is selfless and not selfish can guide you to love your spouse the way they need to be loved. You may not feel loved when someone does something for you, but if you understand that that same person feels loved when you do something for them; you need to make it a priority to not only remember this, but to act selflessly in love. Lastly, Understanding how each persons emotional responses contribute to negative communication patterns in my marriage can create less conflict. Learning how your emotional reactions to your spouse make your spouse react to you can help you both choose not to operate in unhealthy reactions and instead choose to respond in a healthy way. By doing so, you and your spouse can create a new normal cycle that is full of love because each person is feeling heard.
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So WHY a new church in Anchorage Alaska?
For starters, since God started speaking to my husband Travis and I in 2004 about planting a church and Alaska, we have learned that out of the 400,000 people that call Anchorage their home, 250,000 of them claim NO RELIGIOUS AFFILIATION of any kind. That number is mind blowing, especially when we have also learned that there are only 8 Assemblies of God churches in the city of Anchorage. So why Alaska for Legacy Church? When God first began this calling, we had no idea it would bring us to Alaska. And to be honest when I first heard God say Alaska, I didn't know how to feel about it. I knew God spoke it, but He also knew it would take time for the both Travis and I to get the training and experience we would need to be able to do what God was calling us to do. God began by laying Alaska on my husband Travis' heart! It was in a way that almost scared me at times, seeing him seeking churches in Alaska when we were doing so well where we were at. But God's burden for Alaska grew for the both of us! For Travis he began to not seek church openings for employment, but to pray for each church that didn't have a pastor, to find one, and then reach out to them after they got there. This went on for over a decade, when we moved to Springfield MO and Travis gave this calling to plant a new church and Alaska to God completely, vowing to not pick it up unless God did so for him. And that's just what God did! God gave Travis favor to get a job working for Church Multiplication Network and then The Center for Holy Land Studies with the Assemblies of God. These positions reignited the burning desire in Travis to be obedient to God's calling no matter what the sacrifice, that then caught fire in myself as well. While working in these two positions God orchestrated for Travis and I to both "run into" or as I like to put it have divine appointments with two individuals from Alaska, who would give each of us personal invitations to come to Alaska. The first was a lady from Alaska that had relocated to Springfield I had miraculously met on a walk with our two Siberian huskies. During this conversation I felt God's hand of peace and reassurance that Alaska was the place and planting a church with the gifting's and callings Travis and I had was the how. Travis in this time had gone to a service at a local church in Springfield MO where the superintendents of the nation had gathered. While in service God had spoken to Travis to speak to the superintendent of Alaska while he was there. The way I remember Travis telling me the story was Travis responding to God by saying, "Okay God that would be cool and all but every person in this auditorium is an older white haired gentleman in a suit that looks like every other man in this room, how am I supposed to find him?" When God told Travis to look to his left and that his man would be sitting in the balcony beside him. Low in behold the superintendent of Alaska was there, just as God has spoken so Travis went to speak with him. During their conversation the superintendent invited Travis and I to make a proposal to start a new church in Alaska. I remember Travis coming home that day and asking if we should apply, knowing he too had began to feel the comfort that had kept me from saying yes for so long myself. But my response was that I knew we should apply and that if we were not approved, at least then we would know that we had done all that we knew to do in obedience. So we made a video on the one and only day it snowed the BIGGEST snowflakes I have ever seen in the 5 years we lived in Missouri. The snowflakes were SOOOOO big and heavy they were weighing down my eye lashes while we filmed the video. It was like God was blessing us already with the LOVE OF WINTER that Travis and I share and had been missing so dearly while living in Missouri. The process for approval to plant a new church in Anchorage Alaska began and was approved. Then God spoke to me at a women's retreat while dancing in front of the stage with hundreds of other women. He said, "Sell your house and use it to start the church". I was soooooo excited when I heard God's voice! I didn't have an ounce of fear in my soul, I knew that was exactly what we would do and the number $80,000 is what God had laid on my heart to pray for. We had spent the past year and a half flipping the home we lived in and finally felt like we finally had a place and home to call our own. Never having this before in my ENTIRE LIFE was a HUGE thing for me personally, but soooo excited to see what God would do with it! When we sold our home in May of 2021 to move to Alaska and plant Legacy Church we had exactly $80,000 in the bank from the sale of our home and extra money God had blessed us with in the process. We were able to give all of that and more to Legacy Church and can't wait to see what God will do with it in people's lives!!! We want a church that experiences God's presence and loves one another the way God calls us to in the Bible. We want to lead people into a growing relationship with Jesus, because Travis, our daughter Emily and myself have all experienced Jesus showing up in each of our lives in a way that changed us FOREVER!!! We want to give this to others by Experiencing God - Making God Known - Developing People - Launching New Churches - Serving the City! That is the WHY, now we wait to see the HOW! Come along and be a part of what God is doing already through Legacy Church AK! Get involved, Give no matter how much or how little, I know God will bless you because of it, because He has continued to bless us because of it ourselves! If you too would like to make Legacy Church part of YOUR LEGACY, please visit us at https://bit.ly/tithly-LegacyChurch TODAY! We would LOVE for you to be a Part of the Family! Luke 11:10-13 MSG
10-13 “Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This is not a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your little boy asks for a serving of fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? If your little girl asks for an egg, do you trick her with a spider? ... don’t you think the Father who conceived you in love will give the Holy Spirit when you ask him?” God teaches us to pray to Him believing that He is our heavenly father who wants to give us not only what we need but desire as well. Jesus said this because He wanted us to be able to trust him, and know that He wants what is best for us. Jesus wanted to encouraged us as God's Children to ask Him for what we need, and to know that He will be here with us through His Holy Spirit. It reminds me of a time when I was a single mother and camping in a tent by myself with my daughter. During the middle of the night we awoke to the sound of rain that turned into a down pour. We could see the amount of water falling and beginning to accumulate very quickly on the outside of our tent with every bolt of lightning that lit up the sky. I became afraid that the air mattress we were sleeping on may very well begin to float, when I remembered a verse in the bible that talks about the sound of God's voice in reference to the sound of lightning. With the child like faith in me I remember saying to God, "God I know that your voice is compared to the sound of lightning, (because of it's magnificence and power) and I want to hear what you have to say, but right now I am really afraid of the sound of it." At that VERY MOMENT the rain stopped, there was not another single bolt of lightning and the storm moved away from us. It was almost like God was saying, it's okay Jen, I won't hurt you, you can trust me, and I did just that. So my question for you today is what is it you need to ask God as your heavenly father for? Is it help, provision, companionship, or something else? No matter what your need is today, God already knows it and is waiting for you to ask Him. He waits because He wants us to have the choice on whether or not we ask for His help or not. Remember to see God as the Child of God you are that He cares for and loves you. Ask Him with the child like faith God instills in each of us when we ask Jesus in our heart and believe that God raised Jesus from the dead. And if you haven't asked Jesus into your life, let me pray with you Romans 10:9 MSG and believe that, "The word that saves is right here, as near as the tongue in your mouth, as close as the heart in your chest. It’s the word of faith that welcomes God to go to work and set things right for us. This is the core of our preaching. Say the welcoming word to God—“Jesus is my Master”—embracing, body and soul, God’s work of doing in us what he did in raising Jesus from the dead. That’s it. You’re not “doing” anything; you’re simply calling out to God, trusting him to do it for you. That’s salvation. With your whole being you embrace God setting things right, and then you say it, right out loud: “God has set everything right between him and me!” Make things right between you and God TODAY, and ask Him for what you NEED! What if I was to tell you that you could do just ONE thing with your child and it would create everlasting change. Does that sound too good to be true? It shouldn't, but to some parents it does and the reason why they do NOT choose to make this choice for themselves. However, now the choice is up to you.
FOLLOWING THROUGH Following through with your child after giving a directive is the difference most times between a child who makes good choices or bad ones. Why do I believe this? Because when we choose as parents to not follow through with good or bad incentives, we teach the child that there is either no reward for good behavior, or no consequences for bad behavior. Not following through with consequences teaches the child they can do what ever they want without learning how their behavior and choices affect others. This is valuable knowledge we should be allowing our children to learn while with us, rather than having to learn it from others who do not love our children and care for them the way we do. If we want our children to listen to us so they can in turn listen to their friends, teachers, other adults, police, and God, we have to be willing to follow through. Now most parents that have failed at follow through in the past will tell me that it doesn't work, because when they do follow through their child acts out more. My challenge to them and to you as well if you too believe this, is to just try it for two weeks. That's right, give it a real try for two whole weeks and watch your child change their behavior and start making better choices for themselves. I have had multiple parents come back to me and say, "I would have given up, but I heard your voice in my head reminding me to stick with it for two weeks, so I did, and I am so glad I did." Remember, if you have lacked follow through in the past, when you begin to stand by your word, your child is going to test you to see if you really will follow through. So this means that when they do begin to act out more that you are doing it right, or they would not be testing you in the first place. Now I do have to caution, when following through I am not suggesting in any way that you should follow through with ANY type of abuse or neglect! I am just suggesting you follow through with directives that you are already saying and not actually doing. Like, "if you don't... I'm going to...". Take away the toy, tablet, etc. don't back down just because they act out. Lastly, do everything you do in love, and remember you are an example to your child of the behavior you want from them by the behavior you yourself display. Be blessed, until next time! |
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March 2023
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