Invest in your MARRIAGE

As a Marriage Counselor these are the top three things I work on with couples, Communication Skills, Child Rearing, and Caring for one another.  I want to elaborate to help you know that you and your spouse are working at growing together than living to grow apart.

Communication...
It may sound like communication should be a priority in a marriage, but a lot of the time it is set aside as a priority and assumed that if "we aren't fighting" then things must be good.  However, I would challenge this thought process as lack of communication will only lead to a relationship described by some as two ships passing in the night.

So when you communicate are you really listening to the other person, or are you thinking about your agenda, your defense or your response when your spouse is talking?  Are you trying to understand what your spouse is saying by putting yourself in THEIR SHOES and seeing it from their perspective?  Are you using "I" messages when you speak instead of "YOU" messages that only make the other person feel like they have to defend themself?  Are you making time for the two of you a priority to just be together without interruption, to grow deeper emotionally on a regular basis?

Child Rearing...
Raising children is rewarding, but it can also be a struggle at times.  Learning how to be on the same page when it comes to how to parent is important to create peace and harmony in your family.  Whether your family consists of biological, step or adopted children, or a combination of the above, there are always dynamics that influence how you raise children.  Understanding how to get on the same page through boundaries with love will help you both feel like you know what you are doing, and that you are not doing it alone.

Caring for each other...
Most people care for others the way they feel cared for or loved, and they do this without thinking if the other person feels the same.  Understanding that love begins by being selfless in how you give love is important.  Knowing that God is love and His love is selfless and not selfish can guide you to love your spouse the way they need to be loved.  You may not feel loved when someone does something for you, but if you  understand that that same person feels loved when you do something for them; you need to make it a priority to not only remember this, but to act selflessly in love. 

Lastly, 
Understanding how each persons emotional responses contribute to negative communication patterns in my marriage can create less conflict.  Learning how your emotional reactions to your spouse make your spouse react to you can help you both choose not to operate in unhealthy reactions and instead choose to respond in a healthy way.  By doing so, you and your spouse can create a new normal cycle that is full of love because each person is feeling heard.