Choose to Understand...

Choosing to listen to others and understand what they are saying from their perspective is an act of selfless love.  It is choosing to listen without rebuttal or defense first to understand why the other person feels and thinks what they are thinking.   When we love someone enough to put ourselves and our feelings aside to begin with; and choose instead to try and understand what the other person is saying; it shows them that we care about them more than ourselves and want to make it better.  It doesn't say the other person is right and you are wrong.  It says I hear you and I want to understand why you are upset.  It says I want to make this right because I love you!

Most couples are not taught this skill and have to learn it.  It is hard at the beginning to lay aside our defense mechanisms, and cycles of communication that may be unhealthy.  It's hard to think about others before we think about how we feel and why we are hurting in the moment.  But when each person tries to show the other person the love they need for themselves first, a new love is birthed between couples that allows for healing to begin. 

Feeling heard by your spouse makes you know that you are not alone and you are loved.  By choosing to understand what our spouse feels from THEIR perspective helps us to love THEM even more, because we choose to see them!  It is a selfless act of love and a choice to do so.  It is not based on feelings or selfishness.  It is based on loving others as ourself and treating them first the way we need to be treated.