1) I began testing to donate my kidney for my sister
2) I began Alanon
3) I tested for certification of AIFD for floral design
4) I tested positive for breast cancer
All of these miracles confirmed that God was working very diligently in my life to bring me closer to him. To see his power over my life.
I learned throughout my 41 years at the time how to live very confidently and successfully in the chaos that always seemed to be around me and come out on top. My mother had taught me this.
I had been a christian and was baptized at 16 but really never fully relied on Christ to run my life until 2009 and the years that followed. I resigned myself to spending the remainder of my life on reaching full restoration as God intended me to be, happy, joyous and free in His loving arms, daily.
It has been the hardest journey, to be honest, to relinquish this control over to Him. But I believe now, if i didn't , I would not have survived the horror that was to come.
You see, I had believed that if I did all the "right things", everything would be good. For me and for my girls. The problem was, I am not that powerful, God is. This is His story, for me. I needed to surrender to his will for me and my girls.
I only need to trust Him and get out of His way and stop working against Him. I believed that I was smart enough and knew enough to prevent bad things from happening. But I only had part of the picture. God knew the whole story as it would unfold.
Through my 10 plus years in Alanon, I began to trust Jesus and relinquish control. What peace I found it.
1) Through testing for donation of my kidney (my first leaf of faith as i had no insurance, was sole breadwinner for my family), I found my cancer. They said it would have killed me before i found it if i hadn't been tested at that exact time.
2) Through Alanon, I learned how to trust God, which has helped me survive the devastation that was to come with my own daughters addiction and abuse.
3) I passed my certification, which later was key in me receiving a job offer that would provide for my family through my husbands stroke and raising the children of my daughter.
4) I beat the cancer. No, Jesus healed me. The same kind of cancer kills many, my own aunt, but i was spared, and I didn't miss a day of work through the surgeries, chemo and radiation.
I now know whatever curveball that gets thrown my way, God already knows the outcome, and i must trust it. I must. There are days i get tired, and really just want to go "home" to all the family i have lost and to my Jesus. But for some reason, I am still here. I will rest when i am told to rest, move when i am told to move, and never, ever ever give up hope.
There were years I felt cursed or even punished. God knew what was down the road and needed me to be ready for it. You see, my daughter was an addict. Beginning in her teens she became addicted to all forms of drugs which lead her to bondage, abuse, beatings, homelessness, prostitution, mental illness and many arrests. I mourned my living child for over 10 years. I wanted it over, her pain and mine. I had learned through support groups and therapy that God is her father and I had to stay out of His way so He could bring her home. I did not always do that but when I finally did, she found Jesus. Along the way I was given strength to raise her babies, work full time and find joy in this life. I had to learn to trust God when all the worldly elements told me to do otherwise. I had to remember that healing is promised, strength is promised, love is promised, and I could not lose faith. Without it I would not be here, and neither would my daughter.
My daughter is a changed person today. I never thought she would know Jesus or trust him. She fought very hard and the devil was surely in her ear. She did not learn who He was because of what influence I had, but by the desperation and people who came to her, through Him.
Today I am so very thankful. Because of God my daughter is now a believer, and my second husband who was an alcoholic is also healed and is a great partner in this adventure God has given us.